Lousy sales pitches in equally lousy situations

Okay so here I am. In the gym. Sweaty, tired, entered after a gap of 15 days, new city, stressed out, hating the slush that accompanies the incessant rain, feeling hungry. Hope that about covers it. I have my upper torso on the floor and my legs in the air trying desperately to keep them aloft so that my abdominal muscles can be forced to get into some kind of shape. I have not had lunch and neither have I had a decent breakfast. After another ten minutes of the same torturous routine I will be able to go and get myself a fairly decent dinner. I hope.

At this juncture, the gym instructor asks me very casually, in a tone that inplies that he's about to ask me my birthday, just exactly how much do I weigh?

It was all I could do to restrain myself from jumping up and sucker punching him but then I'd already paid up for the quarter and four thousand bucks is not exactly a small amount.

Very slowly and very gently taking utmost care not to scare I told him that I weigh ___ KGs. (No, I'm not telling. I'm a little touchy about the subject.) On cue his Jaw dropped, he looked me up and down and then secretly wet his pants.

His next move was to casually begin by telling me that he was very worried about my health.(Yeah Mr.Mom, more worried about his gym's revenues more like), He then proceeded to tell me that although they would help me out in the first week, they would not be able to do so after wards and then I would simply become lazy and inefficient and I wouldn't be able to make a major difference to my body. What I desperately needed was a personal trainer to help sculpt me into an Adonis like waif who would be charming and irresistible to the girls. and ofcourse he woudl be happy to help for a nominal fee.

I was saved the botheration of answering by virtue of being in a precarious position physically, (Hint - torso on floor, legs in air ), and once I had returned to my normal vertical position I gave him a polite smile and walked off. That's the last time I allow the bloody trainers to talk to me. Next time they get the silent treatment.

I swear I truly hate it when people do that, sneak up on you when you least expect them to.